Even as I write these words, I can still hear her hapless screams inside my head – deafening, heart wrenching screams longing for mercy. She was on her knees, naked, bleeding. She was begging me not to hurt. But as I ignored her pleas and slashed her tear soaked cheek, she looked vulnerable.
Nalina was a woman I always wanted, physically.
Right after graduating from a prestigious college in Mangalore, I had decided to continue my Dad’s profession. Before his untimely death in 1998, he was a successful coffee planter in Chikmagalur and in March 2011, my mother had died after suffering from a long illness.
Today, I’m 36, unmarried and wrecked.
In this deceptive tale of shameless envy, I have bared my soul of a heavy burden – a profound weight that I concealed for 4 long years in my heart with a great anguish.
Initially, from feeling exceedingly pleased at my deed to slowly getting emotionally derelict at what I did, in last few years, my life has taken numerous twists and turns. But there was one last bend waiting to be traversed – a self rewarded last voyage, a journey that will end all my misery. And I don’t have to wait any longer, for I have already cut my wrist and drip by drip, the blood is dribbling on to the carpet.
I opted to rinse out my blood and depart from my dark existence, because I deserve it. To live with a massive guilt of cruel manslaughter is impossible – I tried to live with it for 4 long years, and I have failed miserably. I made them suffer and die, bit by bit. Now I want my ending to be slow, and painful. I want to watch me die.
Before I pass-out from the loss of blood, let me take you through the events that led to the unfortunate death of Vishnu and Nalina, who were ruthlessly murdered by the author of this fictitious tale.
Nalina was young; she had a charming face and an awesomely captivating body – curvy, flirtatious and passionate. Making love to strangers was her line of work and after meeting scores of unknown faces in last few years; I realized Nalina was the best in her profession. Several rich men from faraway places called on her, but these days, I kept her busy.
Vishnu was my close friend. He was just a week elder to me, a hedge separated our coffee estates and before I moved out to Mangalore for higher studies, we had attended the same school and the college. In a far-off region covered with large coffee plantations and distantly placed neighbours, Vishnu and I had grown-up together. He was my only real friend, and we both relied on each other during our good and bad days. Also, we both had a similar craving that had sealed our strong friendship – women who shared their beds for money.
After failing to change Vishnu’s wayward adulterous life, his wife had gone back to her parents and since that day, Vishnu and I had an unopposed liberty to fulfil our steamy desires right inside our homes.
A friend had introduced me to Nalina and after spending an amorous night in her bed; all my previous hook-ups seemed insignificant. In following weeks, I started to spend most of my time at her home and similarly, she liked my company. Every time Nalina and I met, she earned handsomely. Suddenly, I had turned into her most preferred customer and for me, she had become an obsession.
Nalina was a woman I always wanted, physically.
In next one month, I met Vishnu only thrice, and for the first time since his wife had moved out, I started to skip our habitual debaucheries with usual courtesans. This surprised Vishnu, but I kept Nalina far away from his senses. I detested the thought of sharing her with anyone, not even with my best friend and a long time companion in my lurid traits. Nalina was my prized possession, and for as long as possible, I wanted her to be exclusive.
One fine evening, as I entered Nalina’s house, I was bewildered. Sitting next to her on the couch, Vishnu looked wicked. As I walked in with a sheepish grin, he winked at me suggestively. Somehow, he had found my secret love nest and I was not happy. As I stood with a bemused look on my face, he got up and briskly walked towards the door. Before stepping out, he blurted curtly “You are not as smart as you think Mr. Murthy!”
Clearly, Vishnu was not amused. But strangely, his frustration lifted my spirits and before he was out of the door, I started to passionately kiss Nalina.
This incident triggered an avalanche of unforeseen events in our lives. First time in 32 years, I and Vishnu started to ignore each other’s presence in the same vicinity and personally, I begin to detest him. Our lustful orgies fuelled with abundant supply of sleazy courtesans were stopped and frenzied drunken revelries were cut short abruptly. As I ignored Vishnu and the upkeep of my coffee plantation, Nalina kept me busy wholeheartedly, or so it seemed for a while.
As the days filled with fervent coitus passed into weeks, and then into obsessive months, slowly I sensed Nalina turn a little indifferent to my presence. The passionate hug that I got on my arrival turned a little cold. It was as if my being there inside her home wasn’t exciting Nalina anymore. Initially, her mood started to show the signs of annoyance to my demands and as the days passed, her passion on bed turned into an effort, it felt as if she was in an obligation to satisfy a customer – hurried, dull and unromantic. Her intense tease, the avid flirts and her stunning ardour slowly withered and in few months, I was treated as if I was just her another customer looking for a few minutes of heady outburst. After spending months in her home, and on her bed, I could sense it all, and it infuriated me immensely.
More importantly, in midst of this melancholy, she started to go out for hours, and come back in high spirits. This had never happened before and when demanded, her reply was that she went out to meet friends, and I shouldn’t be worried. But I knew she had no friends in Chikmagalur.
Gradually as the days passed, when every morning I drove to her home, I found the door locked, and Nalina gone out. Every day, sitting impatiently in my Jeep, I waited for her to return. And when she did return, all hell broke loose. Every day I went mad on her, and she responded with equal verbal fervour. One gloomy evening, as I was abusing her for betrayal, she silenced me by telling brusquely “Murthy, you are my customer. Stop behaving like an obsessive lover. And please, stop coming home from tomorrow.”
That evening, I lost my cool and slapped her tight. Stepping out of her home, I vouched never to return. The whole night, my rage for Nalina kept me awake and by sunrise, I wanted revenge. But first, I decided to find out her new admirer.
Hurriedly, I drove out of my estate on to the main road and as I started to climb up the hilly road, I saw Vishnu’s car coming from Chikmagalur. As he passed by my Jeep, he slowed down, looked deep into my eyes and grinned with an evil scorn. Sitting next to him, Nalina looked ravishing.
Looking at Vishnu’s wicked smirk, I went crazy with rage. After aimlessly negotiating the winding roads for few more kilometres, I slowed down my Jeep, turned around and drove towards Vishnu’s estate. Suddenly, I was determined with cruel frenzy.
It looks like I can’t write any more. My end is near. Most of my blood has oozed out and it has turned into a large puddle at my feet. I don’t have much time left. Even in this frosty air, I’m sweating profusely. I can feel my palms turn cold and dry. I feel weak and very uneasy. But, I feel liberated.
I have buried their bodies in Vishn